Joshy's own song lyrics...Post #1

"Go tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere! Go tell it on the mountain, that Jesus Christ is BORED!"

Pardon Me, That Was My Shoe Farting...

Everyone has their favorite pair of comfortable shoes. My favorites to wear to work were a sensible pair of black Clarkes that my mom had given me. I loved them so much that I wore the soles right off of them – seriously…for several days last week I couldn’t figure out what this “clicking” sound was when I walked. My husband grabbed my shoe and turned it over so I could see the bottom. “Hello???” he laughed, “Don’t you ever look at the bottom of your shoes??” There, to my dismay, was the culprit of the clicking…a ginormous hole in the bottom of my right shoe, and all of the metal “guts” of the shoe exposed. Bummer.

So I broke down and headed to Macy’s to find a new pair. After trying on a few choices, I settled on another pair of cute but comfortable, sensible (and not cheap!) Franco Sartos. I’m not trying to win a beauty contest with these shoes or anything, but I want something that can look good with dress pants or jeans and that are comfortable enough to wear every day in the pouring down Portland rain during the fall and winter months. I found this pair fast and was excited to wear them and not have to listen to the clicking…

What could be worse than clicking shoes, you might ask? Farting shoes. Yes, people, apparently it is a widespread problem. I wore my new shoes for the first time yesterday and to my horror the left shoe expressed its, er, flatulence, LOUDLY, with every single step I took. Holy crap, this was embarrassing. Forced to explain my situation to every passerby I found myself saying, “Do you hear that?” (like they couldn’t) “That’s my shoe, I swear.”

I took off the shoe, tried stretching out the top, thought maybe it was because the leather wasn’t broken in yet. Nothing seemed to help.

I hit the internet to find a solution. Just so you know, there are entire web forums dedicated to farting shoes and what to do about them. It seems to be a very common occurrence – in fact, everyone I talked to about my “problem” yesterday said they had at least one pair of farting shoes. Nice. Comforting to know I am not alone. Some people even resort to throwing their farting shoes away! (If you really care, I solved the problem by putting on socks today…voila! No more noises! Although this kind of misses the whole point of having expensive buttery leather next to my feet…)

So…moral of the story: it happens to many, so you need not hang your head in shame. If the shoe farts, wear it.