You can't make me like it - Entry #2

Since my last entry of this same title, I have actually thought of about 47 things I don't like that everyone else on the planet seems to love. Every time I think of one, I think I should write it down so I remember...but I never do, so I forget most of them. Here are the ones that I remember for now...

1. Yoga - I've tried it. Hate it. Too boring. I need action! Excitement! Kick-ass tunes! In case you hadn't heard, yoga has none of these.

2. Meat with any kind of fruit sauce - I'm not even a big meat-eater, but in the past few years have started eating some poultry and fish again after a long hiatus from eating anything with a face. Sorry - but any kind of fruit "glaze" on meat...whether it is raspberry-glazed salmon or apricot-glazed chicken...is just nasty. Meat alone or with a savory sauce = good. Meat with fruity, froo-froo, sweet, girly-sauce = gross, according to the tenspot.

3. Exercising - yes, I go to the gym regularly, but it is out of necessity because I swear I was not born with any sort of metabolism. I don't think I will ever do it because I LOVE it. I've tried, but let's face it, it sucks.

4. Mechanical pencils - You can never get anything done because the lead continually breaks off. You spend the entire time clicking out new lead! I need power and strength behind my writing, not fragile little pieces of annoyance.

5. Recycling, saving the planet, and living all "green" - Hey, don't get me wrong, I love our planet and know our earth is amazing, but the word "sustainability" drives me batty because it is so overused...and I kind of miss the days when we didn't have to wash our garbage. (I fully know I'm going to get hammered for this one - take it easy, people...this is all in fun:)

6. Electronic calendars - I'll admit, I am old-school when it comes to my scheduling habits. I still have one of those old flip-a-week calendars on my desk that I can actually WRITE on. I know, I know, we are in the age of technology and I do get appointment requests via Outlook, but due to my own unwillingness to change I still have to write it down.

7. Running/Jogging - again, I have tried to like it. Have you noticed that runners all look like they are in PAIN?

8. Bumper stickers - Living in the Northwest, you would think there is some sort of law that each person have as many bumper stickers as possible on the back of their car to express their "views." The good thing is, they help me identify idiots on the road.

9. Calling my husband my "hubby" or calling kindergarten "kindy" - these are two really annoying, supposed-to-be-cute words you will never hear me say or write. Oh wait, I just wrote them. CURSES!

10. Gardening - I don't do outside chores and I can't keep plants alive. I have what I like to call a "black thumb." In fact, when I left for college my parents gave me a fake cactus for my dorm room. Yes, a FAKE cactus. They didn't even think I could keep a cactus alive! (Which for the record, I can't...and I couldn't keep my pet turtle alive either.)

Potty Mouth!

My youngest son, Josh, has turned into a total potty-mouth. (Not sure WHERE he gets it - no, seriously!) Anyway, he is 2-1/2, so everything about stinky things, or poop, or butts, etc is funny to him. He sings songs about poop, calls people "stinky-piggy-go-to-the-market-head," wiggles his tush and shouts, "butt-crack! butt-crack!" and generally has a full-on potty mouth. Yesterday my father-in-law accidentally bumped into him and Joshy told him to "watch out, fart-knocker!"

I probably should wash his little mouth out with soap or something...but as I mentioned, he is 2-1/2...so I keep thinking if I just ignore it he will stop eventually because it's not fun anymore. The bad part is, it's hard to keep a straight face and not burst out laughing when he says something he isn't supposed to. Because, after all, he is just so darn cute. Even when he calls me a stinky-piggy-go-to-the-market-head:)

Aliens

Katie had her parent/teacher conferences this week and at this time of year the students do a self-evaluation and actually lead the conference themselves. It is a time for the kids to shine, and shine they do. During part of the conference, my daughter was showing us a sheet where she was told to reflect on her own work ethic and mark how strong she thought she was in each of the study skill areas. I noticed that she had ranked herself “Very Strong” in almost all of the categories which included things like “ability to focus and concentrate in class,” “ability to work independently,” and “ability to keep on-task” …things of that nature. Then I happened to notice a drawing off to the side, in the right-hand margin of her page.

“What’s that?” I asked, pointing to the creatures drawn on the side of her work.
She answered nonchalantly, “Oh that? Those are aliens. I drew them 'cuz I got bored.”

Have you seen this guy??

He was riding down the street on his crazy ellipti-bike contraption - (going to work apparently because he had his business attire on and a briefcase-sort-of-thing strapped to his body) and I almost crashed my car into the curb laughing so hard as I passed him.

Oh for the love of pete, thanks for the laugh, man - I needed that.

X-rated X-ercise

Yep, here we go - another story about the crazies at the gym. I think I'll make a new category for these stories...every time I go something weird happens. Okay - so, remind me never to go to the Tuesday night spinning class with, let's call him "Maurice." (I apologize in advance if your name is Maurice, I just thought it went well with the nickname I gave him at the end of the night...) Anyhoo, I've been to spinning quite a few times but I had never been to one of Maurice's spin classes before because I usually do turbo kick-boxing on Tuesdays...

So...back to climbing onto my bike for spin class. The first thing I notice is that this instructor does not play the normal get-your-sweat-on music that the "normal" instructors play for the workout. Maurice is playing some kind of alternative/disco-combined-with-show-tunes music that I have never heard. I don't like it already. The next thing I notice is that instead of being on his bike in the front of the class to lead the workout, he is walking around watching everyone...as if he is critiquing our cycling technique or something. That bugged me as well but I would have preferred THAT to what I was completely caught off guard with when he did climb onto his bike and began cycling along with us...

We were cooking along at a steady pace and a pretty difficult level of resistance, trying to get on the beat of the crazy music he was playing, when suddenly our instructor begins MOANING and breathing so heavily into his microphone...it honestly sounded as if he was making sweet love to his bike - I am not kidding. In between the heavy breathing he sounded as if he was "dirty talking" to the class..."Just a little bit further...a little bit further...don't let me down...YOU CAN DO IT." Then, as if that wasn't distracting enough, the guy on the bike next to me started moaning loud too and CRYING OUT as if...well, you get the picture. I started looking around at the other 30 or so people in class...could they hear this?? Are you freakin kidding me? Seriously, am I on Candid Camera???

Well, the hidden camera crew never did appear and the x-rated sounds of "Moaning Maurice" and the crazy dude next to me continued for 30 minutes (yes, I was watching the clock). I couldn't handle it anymore. I was so disturbed that I jumped off my bike, grabbed my water bottle and left the class as quickly as I could, a whole half-an-hour early. Fortunately my face was already red from the workout so no one could see my flushed embarrassment.

I totally need to stick with kick-boxing on Tuesdays..."hard core" cycling is just not my thing. ;)

My funny little pal

My youngest son, Joshua - age 2-1/2, cracks me up constantly, all day long. The kid is a HOOT, a natural comedian without even trying. The last couple of days have been no exception.

On Sunday we went to church and it was his first time to Sunday School in his "big boy pants"...no more diapers for my little man, (WOO HOOO!) Before we left the house I made a comment that I wanted to be sure and bring an extra pair of undies for him, just in case. He must have heard me say that because when I took him to the restroom at church later that morning, he had not one, but TWO pairs of underwear on under his jeans. Hey, I said he needed an extra pair, right? Apparently he thought he needed to WEAR the extra pair...:)

Yesterday I had the day off work so I took Josh to the zoo. On our way we stopped at Starbucks for coffee (for me) and hot chocolate (for him) and he picked out a little snack bag of nuts and dried fruit to eat in the car. I'm driving along and he is eating his snack, when suddenly he says, "Mommy! I have a strawberry in my nose!" I quickly adjusted the rear view mirror to look at him and sure enough, I can see he has lodged something in his left nostril. He is poking around at it and I say, "Joshy! Why did you stick something in your nose?! Don't touch it! Mommy will have to get it out when we stop the car!" All I could imagine was having to take this child to the ER with some sort of dried berry stuck in his nose (it turned out to be a dried blueberry, by the way, not a strawberry). He says, matter-of-factly, "I put it in my nose for the Oogie-Boogie Man." Um, okay...
Fortunately I was able to retrieve the fruit from his nose without a trip to urgent care.

At the end of our zoo trip, when we were back in the car I said, "I had fun with you at the zoo, Joshy...thank you so much for being my pal today."
Josh: "Huh?"
Me: "Thank you for being my pal today"
Josh: "Huh?"
Me: "Thank you for being my pal today"
Josh: "Huh?"
Me: "Thank you for being my BUDDY today."
Josh: "I'm not your buddy or your pal. I'm your baby."

Yes, yes you are, my love:)