You Can't Make Me Like It! Post #3 - Holiday Edition!

I haven't written a "You can't make me like it" post in quite a while - if you aren't familiar with this, it is all the things I think of on an every day basis that I cannot STAND but that everybody else in the world seems to *LOVE*.  I've come up with a holiday/winter-ish edition to this collection of tasty tidbits.  You're welcome!:)

1.  Black Friday.  After eating a crapload plate full of tryptophan with all the trimmings nothing sounds more hellish to me (okay, almost nothing) than heading out to go "BARGAIN SHOPPING" at Walmart at midnight with all the other Black Friday freaks.  Nooooo thank you.  I enjoy my sleep too much and shopping at Walmart is *NEVER* appealing, let alone in the middle of the freakin' night!  I much prefer Cyber Monday where I can shop at my own pace, in my pjs, without sweating.

2.  Fuzzy animal head hats with ears.  Do you know the ones I'm talking about?  All of the sudden I am seeing *LOTS* of people wearing these.  In PUBLIC!  Now, I can see a three-year-old kid wearing one of these dorky hats, but an adult man in a panda hat?  Really, people??

3.  "Santa Baby."  As in, the song.  I've heard several versions and they all irritate the DAYLIGHTS outta me. I'm not sure which is worse, the older versions or the MEGA-ANNOYING Madonna version. In fact, I think if I hear it one more time this Christmas season (and the season has just begun!) I might break out in hives.

4. Pumpkin pie.  I know, I know...what am I, like, un-American?!  I have seriously tried to like it and I just don't. For Thanksgiving this year I made an interesting variation that was a CHOCOLATE pumpkin pie.  Sounds gross, but it actually didn't really taste like pumpkin...more like chocolate pie with cinnamon...made the pie somewhat bearable. And while we're on the subject of pie, just what jackwagon came up with the idea of mincemeat?!?!

5. Snow. I know I've mentioned this one before, I don't like to be cold. I think maybe snow would be more enjoyable in a city that actually knows how to handle it and where the world doesn't shut down for three snowflakes. I can handle snow for like, a day, cuz that's when it's pretty. Then, I need to get out of my house and go tanning or something. (Just kidding, I don't really go tanning anymore- I heard you all judging me!!!)

6. Walnuts. Not sure why I think of walnuts when making my holiday list of stuff I don't like, but for some reason they came to mind.  Some people like to put walnuts in baked goods at Christmastime.  That's a good way to screw up a perfectly good cookie, folks.

7. Always saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas."  I'm *really* tired of being politically correct.  I know not everyone celebrates Christmas, but I do, so if I see you, I'm going to say "Merry Christmas."  Don't blow a gasket or anything. Have some egg nog.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart...JACKA$$!

Today I was driving down the freeway, on my way to an appointment - flipping through radio stations trying to find something good.  Let me just tell you, there are THREE, count 'em THREE radio stations that are already playing nothing but Christmas music 24/7.  It is November 16th, folks.  I just threw out my rotting Halloween jack-o-lanterns.  Son of a nutcracker!

Anyhoo - I landed on one such station and as much as I wanted to turn the channel, I couldn't.  Why you ask?  Because they were playing "Last Christmas" by WHAM. (If you have speakers, now is your cue to turn them UP because at the time of this post it's on the top of my playlist;)  Should I be embarrassed that I still love that song?  It is the quintessential Christmas song of the early 80's, and I love it. When I hear it, I can't help but be FLOODED with memories of silly 7th and 8th grade dances in the dark gymnasium-transformed-into-love-palace that was our Jr. High gym. Paper decorations on the walls, tinsel hanging from the florescent light fixtures, strobe lights and mistletoe...mistletoe?  WHO BROUGHT the mistletoe?  (OMG, so-and-so brought mistletoe!  You know what that means!  He's gonna try to KISS HER!)  Sorry, I got caught up in the moment there.

So this song has me back there in that gym. Shy kids up against the wall, acting like they really didn't want to dance anyway.  Not-so-shy kids slow dancing, girls' arms around the guy's neck, boy's hands on the girl's waist  - side to side, side to side, side to side... (let's face it, it was 80's dancing, and we weren't that good). We thought we were so old.  SO grown up. There were girls crying in the bathroom because their boyfriend broke up with them RIGHT before the dance (a-holes), or because the guy they were in *LOVE* with was dancing with another girl to THEIR SONG (hussy), or because their VERY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD (who was friends with them that morning while eating Smurfberry Crunch for breakfast!) decided she hated her now because she wore generic Keds and shopped at Sears.  Ah - Jr. High.  Don't those memories just make you smile?  No?  Well, I still like the song anyway.

Now, I have no idea if middle schools still have dances like this but as a parent of an almost-middle-school son and daughter, I certainly hope they do not.  Because I know what I was doing what some kids were doing at those dances...and let's just say we didn't have the *best* supervision.  I have a feeling what goes around comes around and I'm sure my parents will be smiling and nodding their heads in understanding when I *get* to experience my own children in middle school.  Not ready for that next year.  Nope, NOT ready!

For the Girls

My girlfriends. Most of us have been friends since childhood - or at least since we were teenagers. Some of them became my friends a little later.  We have been through *A LOT*. We've argued over stupid boys drama and we've cried together through breakups, divorces, weddings and the births of our babies.  We've held each other after miscarriages and loss of parents. We've laughed our asses off at the comedy that is life, bitched about dieting, jobs and people who've screwed us over. We've partied like rock stars braided each other's hair, reminisced about old times and sometimes gone weeks or months without talking only to pick up like no time has gone by. 

I know if I need them, any single ONE of them (or all of them at the same time for that matter) they will be there, in all their gorgeously honest glory, whether I like it or not. They are TOUGH and their strength inspires me. Their words of encouragement pick me up off the ground at times, even if I don't want to hear it. That's what I love about these girls. Their laughs make it all okay and we carry each other.

Thankful

Sometimes I think I *THINK* too much about what I should write instead of just writing. Things happen all day long, and I think, "is that blog -worthy? or is that just worthy of a quick Facebook status update?" Silly, really...because it really is all blog worthy. I created this darned thing so I could make note of life and not forget funny happenings - one day maybe I'll finally get a book published, but for now, this is my outlet.

November, as well all know, is a month for giving thanks. We thank our veterans, we thank our families, we thank GOD for giving us the things we have and for taking care of us. It's easy to lose sight of the things we have to be thankful for - especially in our crazy busy lives when we all want things NOW, and FAST, and EASY. It's just not the way it goes, folks - but we are selfish little things and when things don't go our way it is easy to lose that focus of thankfulness. The last few months, for me, have been nothing short of brutal when it comes to this...I keep praying for the things that I think I *NEED* to happen and this little voice keeps telling me "you don't know WHAT you need."  

So I'm taking a step back today, taking a deep breath, and thinking about what I am REALLY thankful for. And it's things like this - the funny, sweet, laughable, heart-melting moments of this week that make me wake up and smell the thankfulness.

*While my husband was packing for a trip oversees last weekend, my littlest guy, Mr. Fredricksen, laughed for 20 minutes straight about Daddy packing "Toilet Treats" (toiletries) in his suitcase. He makes me laugh HARD every day. Thankful - because this kind of laughter is sooooo good for the soul.

*My daughter insisting that our dog wanted sloppy joes for his birthday dinner - and as it turns out she was right. Note to readers: Dogs *LOVE* sloppy joes! Thankful for the thoughtfulness of my girl, giggles and dog parties.

*My big, tough, almost-11-year old son calling me from home when he was so sick - needing me to come home. *NEEDING* his mom for the first time in a really long time. I guess we never grow out of needing our moms every once in a while. Thankful to be needed.

*A text message from my Mom and Dad - on a day when they knew I needed it the most - that simply said "We love you." I love you both too - more than I tell you, more than I could ever show you. Thank you for *ALWAYS* having my back. Even when I was hard to love.

*A Facebook status update from Japan - my husband saying "Hang in there, Honey! Missing my family!" They say the people you love the most are the ones you take for granted. When you have a change to your routine, a little separation for a bit, I think that can be good. You begin to remember what it is that you fell in love with about a person - you start to recall the things you really appreciate about your partner. Thankful for my best friend - looking forward to having him home.

*And lastly, this morning, I woke up to a little smiling cherub face close to mine saying "Good Morning!" I had been dreaming about these things, these moments of thankfulness this week so it was fresh in my mind and I put my arms around my littlest pal and told him I was ever so thankful for him. He just smiled and hugged me tighter. "I'm thankful for you too, Mama."

**heart. melting.**

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Now I get it. I get what I really need.

Katie-isms Post #5

When I woke up my daughter this morning for school she was in a panic.  She had had a REALLY scary dream and was anxious to tell me all about it. 
"Mom, I had this terrible dream. It was SO scary.  I got so much candy for Halloween!  I got so much that it filled up my entire room!   I couldn't have sheets or covers on my bed -- I was just covered in candy!  And I ate so much candy that I blew up to be HUGE!  And then I exploded because I ate so much candy and I died!"

"Wow," I said calmly, "that's a pretty scary dream.  Does that mean you don't want to go trick-or-treating to get candy this year?"
She swung her legs out of bed and stood up, suddenly completely fine without missing a beat.  "Ya right! (she rolls her eyes at me) I'm totally gonna go."

Mr. Fredricksen

My youngest son, age 4, has changed his name to "Mr. Fredricksen" (he got it from the movie, "UP")...so for the last week and a half, instead of calling him Josh, we call him Mr. Fredricksen.  In fact, he even refers to himself as Mr. Fredricksen...so he will correct me if I make a mistake and call him by his given name.  This makes me laugh, partly because when I was pregnant with Mr. Fredricksen, my daughter (age 4 at the time) wanted me to name him Mr. Whiskers. :)

So, Mr, Fredricksen gave me a present for my birthday last weekend.  He had wrapped the gift in beautiful green leaves and pink flowers he had found in the front yard.  I opened it slowly...wondering what treasure he could have found for me.  Inside, I found a cat food coupon for 50 cents off Whisker Lickin's.  Stifling my giggles, I thanked him immensely and told him how much I loved and appreciated the gift.  Mr. Fredricksen just shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal as he walked away and responded, "I found it in the garage."

Last night I had a dream we had pet alligators (we have a dog and two cats) that lived in our backyard swimming pool (we do not really have a pool). My family was swimming around in the pool and the ginormous alligators (about 10 of them) were laying on the bottom of the pool staring up at us like we were tasty morsels of food. I got out of the pool calmly, went into the house and suddenly realized I couldn't remember the last time we had fed the alligators and panicked...I had to get my kids out of the pool or they would be eaten! When I arrived back outside my husband informed me had taken care of it...I looked over and he had shot, killed, skinned and stacked up the pet alligators in the yard. When I asked him why he did that, he simply said, "I had to. They were trying to come into the house to eat you."

 

 

I've been trying to figure out what this dream means and I've come up with a few explanations...

#1. I am worried about something happening to my children.

#2. I view my husband as our family protector in any given situation.

OR...

#3. I have watched entirely too many episodes of "Swamp People."

Katie-isms Post #4

This actually happened a few months ago but I've been so bad about writing these things down in my blog I wanted to do it before I forgot.  If you don't already know this about my daughter, she is the queen of random.

While riding in the car one day, Katie asks me, "Mom, how big can hail get?"

"I'm not sure of the record," I tell her, "but I've heard about hail the size of golf balls and baseballs..."

She is silent a moment. Pondering. Then she asks, "Could hail get bigger than a can of yams?"

Top 10 things I learned while competing in my first Triathlon

First off, (confession time), that photo isn't me. I know, you thought it was...;) My photos from this past weekend are a lot less...uh, impressive. BUT, I did learn a lot from this little goal I set for myself. I have put together a top ten list of things (think Letterman) I learned...Jodi, this blog post is for you...:)

Top 10 things I learned while competing in my first Triathlon

#10. I need a new bike. The giant comfy seat on my $99 Fred Meyer special was a bonus, but the mountain bike tires and ridiculously heavy frame were NOT HELPFUL on the 12 miles of rolling highway hills with 40 mph headwind…at least it didn’t have a basket and a bell.

#9. Some people are seriously hard core. I saw more than one woman go from the pool, to the bike, then to the run in no more than a two-piece swimsuit on. And this is not southern California people…this is Corvallis. OREGON. In April! We are talking MAYBE 40 degrees outside…

#8. Don’t bother with flip flops when running from the swim to transition #1. I brought them thinking I would use them but then quietly observed the folks from the previous heats RUNNING barefooted from the pool outside to transition…and decided I would most likely fall flat on my face if I tried to wear them. I would need to put aside my fears of contracting a flesh-eating foot fungus and go with bare feet. GAH!

#7. There is no easy way to quickly get biking clothes on over your wet body/swimsuit. Kinda like trying to stuff a turkey into a water balloon.

#6. Photos that your husband snaps of you while trying to *gracefully* do #7 are photos that should be destroyed. IMMEDIATELY.

#5. It is virtually impossible to put on lip gloss during any of these events.

#4. The “no headphones” rule during these races really bites. Running sucks. And running sucks even more without music.

#3. Your legs try to tell you they don’t work after getting off a bike ride like that. Mine said, “You’re telling me to run now, lady?? You’ve got to be freaking kidding me…”

#2. There is nothing quite like having your children shouting “GO MOM! YOU CAN DO IT!” each and every time you pass them on the course, and then seeing their faces at the finish line after 2+ hours of pain and sweat. I’d kick ass for my kids any day, any time, any place. Try me.

#1. I am A LOT tougher than I thought.

Happy 4 Months til the 4th of JULY!

I haven’t written a new entry in so long – but it’s not because nothing hilarious has happened (I feel like my life is a comedy show minus the laugh track)…it’s because I have had the worst case of writers block. EVER.

I don’t know about anyone else but I am so OVER the cold weather. I’m tired of being freezing all the livelong day. I notice that at this time of year, every year, I start looking for jobs in warm places…southern California, Arizona, Hawaii…it is my thing. I do it every. single. winter. Because let’s face it, winter in Portland SUCKS. It’s cold, it’s wet, it rains every hour of every day…LAME-O. But I woke up this morning with a new attitude! Why? Because when I thought about the date, March 4th, I not only thought of my friend Morgan (Happy Birthday, Dillhole!:) but I also realized that just FOUR SHORT MONTHS from right now we will be celebrating the 4th of July. I will be wearing flip-flops, hanging out on my deck with a cold beverage, smelling bar-b-que and eating homemade ice cream. I will continue to think about this in order to get myself through the day and try not to focus too much on the fact that I can’t feel my feet.