Not-So-Super-Mom

I won't lie, sometimes I feel a little *inferior* as a mom. This time of year, it seems to bug me a little more. When I see photos of my friends being uber creative with their little "Elf on a Shelf" dude, making out-of-control Pintrest crafts and cookies with their children, dressing their kids in fantastically so-adorable matchy-match clothes for Santa photos...I could go on and on.  I'm like, hey, I got ONE area of the house decorated tonight after work (It takes me the whole month of December to get it all done) and my kids ate cereal for dinner so I could get that accomplished.

I don't bake (because it requires measuring and I'm more of a throw-it-all- together-in-a-pan-and-hope-it-tastes-good type of cook) and I don't own a glue gun. Somehow my kids have survived and seem pretty darn happy. I wish I had the time, desire or patience to scrapbook, plan cute ornaments for my children to craft, and knit them matching scarves...but that's just not me, and I have to be okay with that. Sometimes I have to remind myself of all the wonderful holiday traditions I *AM* able to pull off. They are not hand-made. But they are our traditions and our family memories...

1. I ALWAYS go tree-slaying with my Dad. Every year. I have since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. And now that I have my own family, we ALL go with my Dad (sometimes my Mama comes too, if it's not too gross outside). We go to the Christmas tree farm, stomp around in the mud looking for the perfect tree, and saw the thing down. My Dad and I are short, so we have to bring a tape measure. Otherwise, we will end up with a tree we think is huge but needs to be put on a box in order to be taller than everyone else in the family. Yes, Mom, we remember that happened. Lesson learned :) Even as I get older, (ahem, *FORTY* this year), this is one tradition I am unwilling to give up. I hope someday when my kids are older, they will invite me to chop down their tree with them. I will be there with (jingle) bells on.

2. We take the kids downtown, for a fancy family dinner and to see Santa. Growing up, I always visited Santa at the Macy's in downtown Portland with my Grandma. I would ride the monorail around the ceiling, wait in line for a million years, and tell the guy in the red suit what I wanted for Christmas. (Sometimes we would head over to see the Cinnamon Bear too - remember that guy? Best cookies ever.) When we started having children, we of course went downtown to Macy's each year to see Santa - until Macy's did the STUPIDEST thing ever and took the old Santaland out to build a hotel. (I may be a little bitter still) Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, they replaced our REAL Santa with a fake-bearded Santa. Now we have boycotted Macy's during the holidays and visit our real Santa who has moved to Pioneer Courthouse Square. The monorail may be gone, my sweet Grandma may be gone, I may not dress my kids in matching clothes, but my memories live on...and the tradition continues. (Love you, Grandma)

3. Christmas Lights! We tend to alternate, but we usually pick one venue to visit each year, whether it's The Grotto, the Zoo Lights, or driving around Winter Wonderland at PIR. I will never forget the look on my first-born's face when we drove through Winter Wonderland for the first time when he was almost a year old. He bounced up and down to "Jingle Bell Rock" the whole way through with a smile from ear to ear. Now he is huge, turning 13, smells a little like feet and doesn't smile as much...but to this day it is still his favorite Christmas song. Memory accomplished.

4. We eat cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. My Mom makes the absolute BEST cinnamon rolls on the planet. (I obviously did not inherit her baking genes). She bakes them up ahead of time, freezes them in cute pie tins for us and we heat them up in the oven while we open presents. Christmas morning would not be the same without those cinnamon rolls. I am hoping that when my Mom can no longer make them, that my sister knows the recipe cuz she seems to  like measuring stuff.

5. Santa Mouse! When I was a kid, we had this book called "Santa Mouse." Basically it was about a little mouse who was Santa's friend, and he would hide little presents in the tree. When all the other presents were opened and over, we would always find the best present hiding somewhere in the tree - it could be an item, or it could just be a note with clues that took us all over the house to find the BIG gift of the year. So awesome. I have continued that tradition with my kids. In fact, by the time I make it downstairs to throw the rolls in the oven, my kids have usually already scoped out where the Santa Mouse present is.

6. Ornaments. Not hand-made, mind you, just good ol' store-bought ornaments. My Mom always gave my sister and I a new ornament each Christmas. Usually they would resemble something we were into at that time - animals, sports, characters - I have about a ton and a half dance ornaments from my dance team days. When we grew up and moved out, we got to take our childhood ornaments with us, and that is what decorates our tree...Along with the new ornaments I buy for my kids each year, that they eventually will take to start their own Christmas tree. I love that. Thanks, Mom.

So, I guess even though I don't like fabric stores, measuring cups and hate the feel of glitter in my hands, I am doing alright. I may not be the best mommy ever, but I'm doing what I can to keep traditions alive, and to raise my kids with a great love of family and memories. I'm cool with that.

Merry Christmas to all the other Not-So-Super-Moms out there. You may not *feel* super, but I guarantee your kids think you hung the moon.

Lordy, Lordy, We're all turning 40

Hard to believe I have neglected my blog for a year and a half. Even harder to believe that I am turning 40 this year, along with all my pals. Some friends have already reached this magical age, some are planning their celebrations as I write this, and some - like me - have a few months before I need to worry about it too much. But it's there...LOOMING. 40. Holy crapola.

I guess it seems so weird because it's really the first milestone birthday I remember my PARENTS having. It doesn't seem like that long ago actually that we were celebrating their 40th birthdays with goofy parties and all their friends acting silly - buying them adult diapers, denture cream and boxes of prunes. Maybe that's why it seems bizarre to be here already. I feel like there has been some sort of time warp that happened between age 30 and now. Turning 30 was fun - and then time sped up out of control, I took a nap, had a few kids and now we're turning 40. The big 4-0. When my Dad turned 40, someone got him a really ugly t-shirt that said, "Four Days Older Than Dirt." That's us, folks. We have arrived at the year of ugly t-shirts and prune gifts.

My daughter, while watching re-runs of Happy Days, asked me recently if I knew Fonzie. Like in the 1950's! As if that wasn't bad enough, my 5-year-old son asked me the other day if I ever saw any T-Rex when I was a kid. Seriously. He thinks I was alive with dinosaurs.

On the bright side, even though I still feel like a kid most of the time (and sometimes the sense of humor of a 13-year-old boy), I do feel like this new age comes with some sort of badge of honor. I've learned A LOT of good lessons over the last 40 years.

Like, for instance (in no particular order):

1. Life is NOT fair. My parents have told me this my entire life and unfortunately, it is true. There are always going to be people who suck, opportunities that don't work out for whatever reason, and people who suck. (Yes, I meant to list that one twice)

2. Laughter really is the best medicine. Give me a pool-full of my best friends, a dirty-word flip book and a pitcher of margaritas and you will watch every care and worry just magically vanish into tears-streaming-down-your-face belly laughs.

3. When your gut tells you not to do something, or not to trust someone, believe your gut.

4. Life is too short to hold a grudge. Forgiveness heals and letting go of anger and resentment will set you free.

5. Slow down every once in a while and appreciate where you are at that very moment. Even if things aren't going your way - if you stop and think about everything you have been blessed with, you start to appreciate the little things more.

6. Travel the world when you can. So much to see, so little time.

7. Never underestimate the power of prayer.

8. Education is empowering. Stay in school and invest in yourself.

9. Even bad pizza is pretty damn good.

10. Having a fancy wedding isn't nearly as important as learning how to stick it out in a marriage through the good and the bad.

11. My children are, and always will be, my proudest accomplishments.

12. Everybody is crazy. It's just that everyone is different "levels" of nuts.

13. Call your parents often, even when you're a grown-up.

14. When you say you will be somewhere, be there. On time.

15. Pets are family, and losing them is heartbreaking. But I'd rather be heartbroken from the loss than never know that kind of unconditional love.

16. My bedroom has been a mess for almost 40 years. I think it's safe to say it will never be clean.

17. Tell the truth. Liars suck. (See #1)

18. Never answer the door for the pizza man on skis, while only wearing your bra and underwear. It's a memory your friends will never let you live down.

19. You are always interviewing for your next job.

20. "Quarter Beer Night" was never a good idea.

Holy Toenails, Batman!

(Original Post dated December 2010)

Oh boy…haven’t had a post about the gym in a while, I guess you could say I was due for a story. I recently started training for a triathlon – it still makes me giggle to say that out loud because it sounds like a joke or something…HAHA! Anyway, I’ve been super diligent about getting up at 3:40am and getting to the gym by 4am to either swim, bike or run – I have to work out at this time because I have to be home by 5:15am before the hubs leaves for work. (See earlier post titled “Crazy Woman on the Loose!” for more on this topic)

The good part about getting to the gym at o-dark-thirty is there is hardly anyone there. The bad part is, the people who ARE there, are generally people who you don’t want to necessarily see in a bathing suit. To be more specific, I normally spend my swim mornings dodging old dudes in Speedos. This morning was no exception. My freestyle practice this morning was accompanied, by three, count ‘em THREE, old dudes in Speedos. I usually am the first one in the pool, so fortunately I am almost finished with my workout when they begin emerging from the men’s locker room. A few minutes after they join me, I excuse myself to the adjacent hot tub to take a breather before heading home.

Sitting there, with my eyes closed and my head lying back, I get that feeling – you know the one - that someone is looking at me. I open my eyes just in time to see a new fellow has joined us poolside. At least this one is wearing giant flowered swim trunks to cover his “business.” When I first see him, I think he is going into the pool with the other men, but to my horror he does a switchback, walks over to the hot tub and slides in next to me. Okay, this isn’t too awkward, I try to tell myself. It’s 4:30 am, this is a gym, I’m not the only one that wants to sit in the hot tub, it’s okay, I can handle it…

I close my eyes and lay my head back again…but only for a moment because I can’t stop peeking over at my flowered friend. He keeps laying back and letting his whole body “bob up” in the water – it’s very annoying. Then, I see them. Each time he bobs up, his fat little feet break the surface of the water just inches from me and I see them. The longest, yellowest, nastiest toenails I have ever seen. Gag reflex in full swing, I pretend to notice the time on the clock and jump out to grab my towel. Extra-long shower for me today and I took notice that the pool/spa is cleaned on Tuesdays and Fridays so that gives me hope for a toenail-free experience later this week.

Dear Santa, please bring toenail guy some clippers. On second thought, please bring him a hacksaw. And cancel his gym membership. Love, Kristin