X-rated X-ercise

Yep, here we go - another story about the crazies at the gym. I think I'll make a new category for these stories...every time I go something weird happens. Okay - so, remind me never to go to the Tuesday night spinning class with, let's call him "Maurice." (I apologize in advance if your name is Maurice, I just thought it went well with the nickname I gave him at the end of the night...) Anyhoo, I've been to spinning quite a few times but I had never been to one of Maurice's spin classes before because I usually do turbo kick-boxing on Tuesdays...

So...back to climbing onto my bike for spin class. The first thing I notice is that this instructor does not play the normal get-your-sweat-on music that the "normal" instructors play for the workout. Maurice is playing some kind of alternative/disco-combined-with-show-tunes music that I have never heard. I don't like it already. The next thing I notice is that instead of being on his bike in the front of the class to lead the workout, he is walking around watching everyone...as if he is critiquing our cycling technique or something. That bugged me as well but I would have preferred THAT to what I was completely caught off guard with when he did climb onto his bike and began cycling along with us...

We were cooking along at a steady pace and a pretty difficult level of resistance, trying to get on the beat of the crazy music he was playing, when suddenly our instructor begins MOANING and breathing so heavily into his microphone...it honestly sounded as if he was making sweet love to his bike - I am not kidding. In between the heavy breathing he sounded as if he was "dirty talking" to the class..."Just a little bit further...a little bit further...don't let me down...YOU CAN DO IT." Then, as if that wasn't distracting enough, the guy on the bike next to me started moaning loud too and CRYING OUT as if...well, you get the picture. I started looking around at the other 30 or so people in class...could they hear this?? Are you freakin kidding me? Seriously, am I on Candid Camera???

Well, the hidden camera crew never did appear and the x-rated sounds of "Moaning Maurice" and the crazy dude next to me continued for 30 minutes (yes, I was watching the clock). I couldn't handle it anymore. I was so disturbed that I jumped off my bike, grabbed my water bottle and left the class as quickly as I could, a whole half-an-hour early. Fortunately my face was already red from the workout so no one could see my flushed embarrassment.

I totally need to stick with kick-boxing on Tuesdays..."hard core" cycling is just not my thing. ;)